Feel Guilty? Do Penance.

Recently a priest I know preached on guilt, which sent me pondering that subject in light of my psychological studies.  His bringing up the widespread idea of Catholic guilt which he said he had not experienced (nor have I) reminded me of the distinction between true guilt (when one feels bad for doing something wrong) versus false guilt (feeling bad for something one has not done or simply for existing or any other irrational reason).

Now his proposed answer to guilt was simple and direct: do penance.

I have never heard it put in quite the way he expressed it: that guilt is one's conscience saying that justice has not been satisfied and therefore one ought to do penance until the guilt is gone, which means that justice has been satisfied.

Naturally that makes sense for true guilt.  If one has committed a wrong against another then doing penance to satisfy justice and make reparation for the harm done seems the best response.

What about for false guilt, however?  Often false guilt is taking on another person's guilt, so perhaps doing penance in response to false guilt might also be a way to satisfy justice.  Perhaps penance could be as satisfactory a way to remove that false guilt as unveiling the irrational beliefs that lead one to feel guilty without deserving those feelings of guilt.

I have no specific convictions here, but am merely pondering.  Here I must make one important caveat, however: this theory would hold true only so long as said penance was indeed penance and not self-punishment.  It is far too easy for one not in a healthy psychological frame of mind to undertake penance as a way to punish the self for not being good enough and consequently to view penance as making the self suffer, which is not at all the essence of penance.

What is penance then?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says the following:

1434 The interior penance of the Christian can be expressed in many and various ways. Scripture and the Fathers insist above all on three forms, fasting, prayer, and almsgiving, which express conversion in relation to oneself, to God, and to others. Alongside the radical purification brought about by Baptism or martyrdom they cite as means of obtaining forgiveness of sins: effort at reconciliation with one's neighbor, tears of repentance, concern for the salvation of one's neighbor, the intercession of the saints, and the practice of charity "which covers a multitude of sins."

1435 Conversion is accomplished in daily life by gestures of reconciliation, concern for the poor, the exercise and defense of justice and right, by the admission of faults to one's brethren, fraternal correction, revision of life, examination of conscience, spiritual direction, acceptance of suffering, endurance of persecution for the sake of righteousness. Taking up one's cross each day and following Jesus is the surest way of penance.

Charity and the Cross.  Those are the surest signs of true penance and two expressions of the same reality: following the example of Christ.

Anything therefore could be penance.  Saint Therese could pick up a pin for love of God, which is the essence of penance.  Even eating chocolate might be a form of penance.  Now that may seem strange, but some people have so many wounds from their childhood that they cannot love themselves and sometimes in order to believe that they are worthy of receiving good things and being loved by God they need to give themselves good things, such as chocolate.

Is it not beautiful how many opportunities we have to show God that we love Him—which is in the end what penance truly is?  There is nothing except sin that we cannot make a penance—an act of love for God who has loved us first.  That love then will cover a multitude of sins.

The "Little" Way

It always leaves me a little miffed when I find some reference to the little way of Saint Therese that suggests that she left us this easy way that we can all become saints.  My response is somewhat similar to the writing in many modern spiritual books meant to be relatable that sound to me rather flippant.

In my opinion, these things cheapen the reality.  They seem fake.

I was reflecting upon this matter yesterday as we celebrated Saint Therese's feast day.  Despite my reaction to those who would uphold her as a model—and consequently despite my reaction to the saint herself—she has consistently been working her way into my friendship.  In one way or another I keep bumping into her, one might say, as if she is trying to be my friend.  Most recently it was through a novena called "Joy in Suffering" that drew me deeper.

My favorite story, though, in her reaching out to me involves my family's kitten, Bella.  One day, Bella decided to play on my bookshelves and so she jumped up on top of the books and, as if intending to do so, kicked one out upon the floor.  It turned out to be the letters between Saint Therese and Brother Maurice which gave me deeper insight into our dear saint's life.

Now, before I give the wrong impression, I am not arguing against Saint Therese's model of the little way for all of us.  We are certainly called to follow her in sanctifying each moment of our lives.

My quarrel is with those who try to pawn off this path as easy.  "Stuff and nonsense!" I say to anyone who would try to propose that.  It is not in the least easy.  It would be far easier to allow oneself to be martyred in one fell swoop than to constantly choose what one does not want for the sake of God.  Even simply accepting with joy all the suffering that is our lot in this life can often prove quite the contrary to easy.

(Of course if any of you reading my words here truly believe it is easy, then by all means tell me your secret.)

Yet we are not called to the easy life.  Despite what our modern society (and our own concupiscence) would have us believe, we are called to the battle and not to lie at ease in our homes and stuff ourselves with comforts.  We are called to become warriors, to don our spiritual armor and fight for our Captain who leads us to the Cross.

That is the path that Saint Therese followed.  We can look to her not just as an inspiring example, but also as a friend who can aid us in the fight, for she has promised to help us:

"I will spend my heaven by doing good on earth.” 

Our guardian angels also shall aid us, day by day, in the battle, for they can see far more clearly than we ever could.

Decisions, Decisions

“I must have a prodigious amount of mind;
it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!”

-Mark Twain

I often feel that way when faced with some momentous decision—or even some lesser one—and sometimes it takes me so long I think I must have an even greater mind than he.  Those of small mind must be lucky indeed.

They say one ought to choose the lesser of two weevils.*  Now that may apply very well to politicians—although I am not sure it does in fact—but the principle assumes that there is a lesser evil.  Sometimes there is not.  Many times we are faced with a thousand different decisions of equal or near-equal value and goodness.  That is when the mind becomes stymied and one begins to feel the weight of his mind's size.

What a free nation are we—free to choose whatever we wish.  We are faced with hundreds or thousands of options for everything ranging from vehicles to shampoo and from how to spend our leisure time to which emoticon to tag onto a text message. Those who thought we deserved thousands of choices must not have taken into consideration the energy and willpower that making these decisions requires.

After facing all of those choices that daily life thrusts upon us, it is a wonder we have any willpower left for aught else.  No wonder there seems to be a fear of commitment.

I must confess I find myself practically powerless when facing a choice of two goods.  Of course making no decision means a third path of lesser good and therefore losing both the goods instead of enjoying one.  Yet how is one supposed to choose between them?

A little girl in France now known as Therese did not much bother with that choice.  She tells the tale, in her autobiography, of a time when her older sister offered for her to choose among the goods of the various dolls and toys she had outgrown.  Rather than choose among them as her sister expected her to, or waver in long indecision as I would be wont to do, she merely stretched out her arms and unceremoniously took the entire basket, announcing, "I choose all!"

That is where I too stand.  Until my body fails me or reality reminds me of its impossibility, I must have all the goods, material and spiritual, that I can take, whether from greed or holier motive.

I choose all.

*See Master and Commander if you do not catch the reference.